Thursday, September 30, 2010

So How Does It Feel To Be Pregnant?

I am sure I am not alone when I say that when I sit down to put my thoughts on paper (or for this blog), the first thing that comes to mind is that it's still very hard to believe we are pregnant. Because this isn't happening to me or inside MY body, at times it can be a bit out of sight, out of mind. Believe me, it's not that I'm not excited or emotionally invested - I am 100% both of those things!

My sister is also currently pregnant. She and her husband are four months ahead of us and they are due with their first child in mid-November. Unlike me, she is feeling all aspects of the pregnancy - emotional, mental and especially, physical. The sensations that go hand in hand with being pregnant are always with her so she is constantly reminded of its presensce. I can't say I'm jealous; truthfully, some of what she's experiencing I'm happy to take a pass on. However, I can't help but feel a little envy, just as any woman would who wants to carry but is not able to do so.

Geoff and I are now at a point where we're sharing our news with those who haven't been aware of our journey. This puts me into the awkward position of answering the very frequent, "You're pregnant?! Oh great - how are you feeling?" For the most part I'm fine with sharing our special circumstances (to the right people) but it does reinforce the sense of loss I have that it's the surrogate - not me - who is carrying our child and experiencing the actual pregnancy. It's a lot to wrap your head around. Maybe to some it doesn't feel like a big deal. However, when you're living it, it's always in the back of your mind. While I'm over the moon to be pregnant, it's just hard accepting that it's not happening inside my body.

On a much happier note, recent tests show that everything continues to progress well with our pregnancy. Phew! We have a double-marker test coming up so there's never a shortage of things to worry about, but this is no longer about surrogacy, just about going to term. I'm also happy to report that we've conquered the registry gun at Babies R Us and have also splurged with some fun things on a registry at Land of Nod. Next up.....order baby furniture, start nursery decorating and meet with pediatricians, day care providers and the like. Oh, and the name game continues! Currently, Geoff is batting zero while I have a full dugout of names. Agreeing on one might turn out to be harder than this whole surrogacy journey.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Dancing Queen

If you were with me as I wrote this you'd have seen some fancy footwork I call my happy dance. Why the happy dance? Because we're in the second trimester! All the test results came in beautifully and all measurements were right where they should be. At 5.3cm long and with a heart rate of 180 beats per second, our squirmy little one has passed the first trimester hurdle with all systems go.

Of course, moving into this next trimester means no more delays. We've got furniture to buy, names to choose, pediatricians to meet and showers to arrange.....And we really only have until early February to do this! SI has advised us to be ready for a flight to India as early as the 35th week of our pregnancy. That's February 3rd given that our expected due date is now March 17th. (Yes, as Geoff figured in an earlier post, our estimate of March 14 was a tiny bit off.) Even though an average pregnancy can last 40 weeks, giant American babies in little Indian bellies tend to bump delivery up a few weeks early. For our agency the average has been 37 to 38 weeks in length.

Talk about a nice problem to have...WOW! We dreamed of this moment, of moving past the fears of the first trimester, and here we are. Okay, let's do one more happy dance! It's real enough that Geoff and I have even bought our first book on pregnancy! (Note to publishers - please write a book about pregnancy that doesn't spend 90% of its pages talking to and about pregnant women.) For a change, Geoff and I get to worry about the same issues affecting every other pregnant couple and as stressful as it is, we are ecstatic.