Saturday, April 3, 2010

Party For One

I have the party dress. I definitely have the gorgeous heels. I have the sparkly bracelets I bought in India that match my party dress and I have the perfect clutch bag to coordinate. (Of course, this IS me writing.) Sadly, I also have a thick box of tissues. All of this for the pity party I'm having and although I don't have them very often, I am entitled. (Geoff can crash but only after I have a few dances alone.)

We've come to terms with our recent miscarriage and we are doing better. We understand that when anyone miscarriages it's because there is something wrong with the pregnancy and, as difficult and heartbreaking as it is, it's for the best. For us, it is a bump on an already difficult and very rough road. However, we will get through all of this and we are still very hopeful we will have a family some day.

In the meantime, the emotional roller coaster continues. I'm not sure how it's fair that some are graced with three, four, five children when others are desperately trying for just one. I don't begrudge anyone for it, I just don't see how it's fair, especially when fertility issues come into play. As if infertility is not bad enough, some have to go through the process over and over again. Heck, some can't even afford adoption, surrogacy, IVF... and live life without children. It makes me wonder, who the hell is calling the shots here!? Many incredible people we know haven't had the luxury of getting pregnant on their own and have had to repeatedly go through multiple fertility processes. It's depressing, frustrating and not right. I am consistently surprised at how more and more common infertility is and to good people! It's simply not fair.

With regard to next steps, our surrogate has graciously agreed to try again with us, which is fabulous news as she's already proven she can get pregnant. That's one less thing to worry about so we won't be blindly entering the process again. R will need approximately two months to recover and then a third month to prepare for our next transfer. During that time, we are considering going through a round of IVF here in the States with the intention of freezing more embryos; time is not on our side as I get older and my egg production decreases. We have an appointment with our local fertility doctor this coming Friday to discuss all that has happened thus far and this potential next cycle. The journey continues.....

Life does go on and we want to wish everyone a happy Passover and Easter!


  1. I hear u Shannon, its REALLY unfair. Can i join your party? we still cant even get preggo...we are going on try #3 after the summer, we just need to re-coop. I am praying everything works our for you hun!

    All the best!!

  2. I am in party mode as well!!! We need a good bottle of wine.

  3. I have sooo been at this party (but without the dress on). It's SUPER difficult to pull yourself out of this mode but you have to have faith and hope in the baby that is out there for you. Its just a matter of time. Don't look back, look forward. Hang in there.

  4. Shannon we're glad to hear that you're trying a round of IVF in the mean time while R prepares for another cycle. It is not fair I agree, but know you will make great parents.

  5. Hang in there your happy day will come. What we know about this process is that eventually anyone can achieve success as long as you have the nerves to put up with the interim setbacks and the purse strings to keep on trying. It's as simple as that.

  6. I want in on that pity party! I may be a unwelcome guest, but I attend with hope and faith that you both will get your opportunity to stick your nose to us all and say HA! I GOT MY BABY! You are both 2 of the most deserving and wonderful people I know and I am a believer of good karma. Who could have better parents than a parent who is a friend who is always there for you and and the man who loves her? My best to you both, from a believer and accepting person of the karma gods. PS: Cami is our miracle and you will get your's, too...broken hearts make you love them all the more, as unfair as that may be!

  7. one more have to write a book or memoir about your experience. Both of your posts are inspiring and beautiful, even in the most painful moments. You have a gift that may be an inspiration to others, beyond your blog. Consider it and all you could help with your struggle. Your ability to put feeling into words is heartbreaking and addictive. All who love you are puling for you to be victorious...all who truly love you both, know you will be. A perfect way to turn struggle into triumph! And the perfect way to finance your child's future into greatness! College is expensive!

  8. Hang in there, the road it long and hard, but very much worth it in the end. I'm sorry for your loss :(