Bathroom Talk

I know I will be opening myself up for judgment when I say this, but I just can’t help but love the trinkets and t-shirts that read “I Fling Poo” – most of which depict a fun picture of a monkey.  This brings me to this morning’s entry – a lighthearted, kind of vulgar post that I must warn you about…this entry will not be for the refined among us.

So, it’s been approximately four days and 15 hours since I’ve had a bowel movement.  I am quite positive this is not helping the slew of other side effects I am experiencing due to the surgery and IVF cycle.  One of those side effects is most obvious - my stomach is very swollen from internal bruising, bloating and constipation.  Forget the baby bump, I now look as if I’m six months prego. I have an alien growing inside me, or perhaps an elephant.

It’s ironic because prior to our trip, many warned us of diarrhea or New Delhi Belly, most commonly caused by the water and any raw/uncooked food rinsed in it.  We’ve done very well at avoiding this, but others we know can’t say the same and it regrettably lasted for weeks.  The food from the four restaurants in our hotel and the room service happens to be terrific.  In light of my current situation, I have tried to eat an abundance of fruit and grains for the fiber, but nothing that helped.  I have continued to mix the Benefiber that I brought from home with bottled water, but nothing.  I am still drinking outrageous amounts of water and Gatorade, but nothing.

I currently find myself desperate enough to run (okay, slowly shuffle because I can’t walk fast right now) out to the water’s edge on Juhu Beach to suck up as much of the filthy Arabian Sea water as possible just to help “move things along”.  Obviously, I haven’t really lost my mind that much so instead we called Dr. Yash first thing this morning and she prescribed a laxative (plus some throat lozenges) and had it delivered by the lovely Heena at 11am.

Now, I wait to see when the first dose of this rocket fuel castor oil kicks in.  Seeing that I really can’t push (or laugh, sneeze or cough) with my stomach feeling so badly, I’m slightly hoping it’ll be similar to the prep I downed for my recent colonoscopy.  The way I can best describe it was that it turns anything still left in your system into liquid and then makes it feel as if a fire truck hose is hooked up to your mouth only to shoot out the opposite end.  Exciting, I know.  I still have ¾ of the bottle left and I’m happy to share!  If only I had poo to fling, I’d be one happy girl.