13 years ago
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Good Morning
It must be a great day when you wake up to results from the latest blood tests and R's beta level more than tripled to 747.37! Another step in the right direction!!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Pay No Attention
Beta was 237 on July 9. Or as Shannon told her mom over the phone, "In two days the beta's gone from 94.48 to 236.71!" :-)
We've been down Optimism Road once before so that's enough said for now. For what it's worth - yes, it's possible to swing between, "It might be twins!" and "This is too good - it can't stay this good..." in a matter of seconds.
More after we've received the next round of results - hopefully early in the week.
We've been down Optimism Road once before so that's enough said for now. For what it's worth - yes, it's possible to swing between, "It might be twins!" and "This is too good - it can't stay this good..." in a matter of seconds.
More after we've received the next round of results - hopefully early in the week.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
New Beginnings
Countless people have been checking in, praying, sending good wishes and generally offering whatever help they can to make this next attempt of ours a successful one. Well so far so good because we're happy to report that R is pregnant! We received the call late last night from Drs. Sudhir and Yash - R's beta level was a smile-making 94.48 on Day 12. Anything greater than 25 is a positive result so there's no doubt about this one. (As you may remember, our beta results at this time during our first attempt was a sad 18. This is an uplifting change!) We're hoping two time's the charm without forgetting the lesson from our previous experience, that these big numbers are important but not guarantees.
Our next blood test is scheduled for tomorrow (Friday) and we'll have those results on Saturday.
Our next blood test is scheduled for tomorrow (Friday) and we'll have those results on Saturday.
Friday, June 25, 2010
We're On Our Way (we think)
Yesterday’s promise was too good to be true. Late last week SI determined that our next embryo transfer would take place on June 24. Amazingly, that day is also our three year wedding anniversary. Was it actually true that the first day of our embryos’ lives in utero would be on the same date their parents married? That had to be a good luck sign, right?
Well Geoff and I felt the cheery, positive thoughts slowly slip away as the 24th passed without any correspondence from the doctors. No call, no email, no text, nothing. Sadly, the anxiety of waiting to hear an update overcame any desire to celebrate our anniversary. Did the transfer actually happen? Did both of our embryos (we only froze two) thaw successfully? Is R ok? Is anybody on our side in India? It wasn’t until midnight (Friday the 25th in Mumbai) that we finally caught up with the doctors. I’m not up for reliving it but, bottom line, the thawing process started late on the 24th, the IVF doctor felt it was best for the transfer wait until the 25th (to ensure the embryos were fully recovered and healthy), and - because of the hour - SI didn’t get around to notifying us. Moving past our annoyance, the take home message was that we had to be patient a bit longer.
At the crack of dawn this morning we received an email with some good news. Our two embryos survived the thaw and were in very good shape. One embryo is an eight cell, grade one and the other embryo is a four cell, grade one. We still don’t have actual confirmation that the transfer took place (of course!) but this part of the process is fairly straightforward so we’re going with the no news is good news theory until we hear back.
It's all very ironic. When we were in Mumbai for our first attempt we very much wanted to be home to share the news of the transfer with our families. Now that we're home for this second attempt we both couldn’t resist wishing we were in Mumbai to see everything through and to wish R lots of rest with her feet up.
Anyway, here we are, back again in the nail-biting, two week wait (we think). Fingers crossed!
Well Geoff and I felt the cheery, positive thoughts slowly slip away as the 24th passed without any correspondence from the doctors. No call, no email, no text, nothing. Sadly, the anxiety of waiting to hear an update overcame any desire to celebrate our anniversary. Did the transfer actually happen? Did both of our embryos (we only froze two) thaw successfully? Is R ok? Is anybody on our side in India? It wasn’t until midnight (Friday the 25th in Mumbai) that we finally caught up with the doctors. I’m not up for reliving it but, bottom line, the thawing process started late on the 24th, the IVF doctor felt it was best for the transfer wait until the 25th (to ensure the embryos were fully recovered and healthy), and - because of the hour - SI didn’t get around to notifying us. Moving past our annoyance, the take home message was that we had to be patient a bit longer.
At the crack of dawn this morning we received an email with some good news. Our two embryos survived the thaw and were in very good shape. One embryo is an eight cell, grade one and the other embryo is a four cell, grade one. We still don’t have actual confirmation that the transfer took place (of course!) but this part of the process is fairly straightforward so we’re going with the no news is good news theory until we hear back.
It's all very ironic. When we were in Mumbai for our first attempt we very much wanted to be home to share the news of the transfer with our families. Now that we're home for this second attempt we both couldn’t resist wishing we were in Mumbai to see everything through and to wish R lots of rest with her feet up.
Anyway, here we are, back again in the nail-biting, two week wait (we think). Fingers crossed!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Take Two
One of the toughest parts about writing a blog dedicated solely to our surrogacy experience is that events don't unfold into neat little chapters. For example, two full months were spent simply awaiting R's recovery from our first attempt - give or take, a woman's body needs about two cycles to return to "normal". Since Shannon and I want to spare our readers talk about other topics, much of this time wasn't very newsworthy. (Which is just as well as this time off from the surrogacy world was a welcome respite.)
Emotionally, the down time still saw a lot of action. Optimism takes effort; pessimism is easy. Well meaning friends correct our 'if we have a baby' comments with 'not if, when', not-so-coincidentally spotlighting how such comments come from those with their own children, not the childless. Don't get me wrong, positive attitudes are absolutely preferable and our friends mean only the best. Nevertheless - and maybe this is a guy speaking - optimism needs a little realism. Shannon and I are trying very hard to take everything in stride, hoping for the best while expecting, well, perhaps it's best said that we're not expecting anything. Whatever happens, happens.
And new things are starting to happen. As we wrote in our last post, we'll be working with R for our second attempt. To that end, R was put through a mock cycle. In a mock cycle the surrogate is given a round of IVF meds to prepare her for the implantation of embryos. However, no transfer occurs. Rather, this is just a test run whose objective is to measure the quality of the carrier's uterine blood flow and thickness of the uterine lining (the endometrium) to be sure her body is ready and able to get pregnant. I confess the purpose of this run with R is not overly clear to me. R is not an unknown variable - she has never had trouble in the past - and, because embryo thawing occurs on the day of transfer, it's never too late to stop the process if R's body isn't ready. Ironically, we're going to put this theory to test because R caught a cold during her mock cycle and couldn't complete it anyway. SI's doctors felt her progress up 'til that point had been perfectly normal and advised we just proceed as if she passed the mock cycle with flying colors.
Give or take a wrinkle in preparation, our next embryo transfer will take place in the third to fourth week of June. We're back!
Shannon and I have been drowning SI in questions after requesting that they be more proactive and free with information. So far, so good. Dr. Sudhir acknowledged occasions during which his agency could have performed better and has promised to work harder to keep us informed and in the loop. It's still early so we reserve judgment but it's been a good start. This includes their confronting and discussing rumors about the reliability of the IVF Center that SI uses. We'd heard some lousy things about that Center's top physician from first-hand witnesses but SI has assured us - quite logically - that it wouldn't be in their best interest to associate themselves with an unreliable IVF clinic. We were told that a mix of facts, rumors and disinformation from competing agencies stirred the pot.
Ultimately, what can we do? We're thousands of miles away and early on had come to terms with the fact that we would be relinquishing control to and investing trust in SI. This clinic issue is an example of where our trust was put to the test. To date, however, SI has not given us reason for doubt; they have a really good track record (as does the IVF clinic, by the way). Plus, we're already committed. It's a shame this extra-curricular garbage demands any of our attention as we've enough on our plate. However, though there are examples of couples whose India surrogacy experiences have been virtually flawless, I'm thinking Shannon and I are a bit more typical. Not everything goes as planned, is predictable or problem free.
We never consciously expected otherwise. And despite it all, here we are two weeks or so from a second attempt. Having gone through this all once before, we're old pros who'll surely take it all in stride. (Welcome to the 'lying to ourselves' section of this entry.) Oh, we're just making babies in India - how was your weekend?
Give or take a wrinkle in preparation, our next embryo transfer will take place in the third to fourth week of June. We're back!
Shannon and I have been drowning SI in questions after requesting that they be more proactive and free with information. So far, so good. Dr. Sudhir acknowledged occasions during which his agency could have performed better and has promised to work harder to keep us informed and in the loop. It's still early so we reserve judgment but it's been a good start. This includes their confronting and discussing rumors about the reliability of the IVF Center that SI uses. We'd heard some lousy things about that Center's top physician from first-hand witnesses but SI has assured us - quite logically - that it wouldn't be in their best interest to associate themselves with an unreliable IVF clinic. We were told that a mix of facts, rumors and disinformation from competing agencies stirred the pot.
Ultimately, what can we do? We're thousands of miles away and early on had come to terms with the fact that we would be relinquishing control to and investing trust in SI. This clinic issue is an example of where our trust was put to the test. To date, however, SI has not given us reason for doubt; they have a really good track record (as does the IVF clinic, by the way). Plus, we're already committed. It's a shame this extra-curricular garbage demands any of our attention as we've enough on our plate. However, though there are examples of couples whose India surrogacy experiences have been virtually flawless, I'm thinking Shannon and I are a bit more typical. Not everything goes as planned, is predictable or problem free.
We never consciously expected otherwise. And despite it all, here we are two weeks or so from a second attempt. Having gone through this all once before, we're old pros who'll surely take it all in stride. (Welcome to the 'lying to ourselves' section of this entry.) Oh, we're just making babies in India - how was your weekend?
Monday, April 26, 2010
Not a Sprint
Last Monday was Patriots' Day here in Massachusetts. A recognition of the first Revolutionary War battles, this holiday tends to be outshined by another annual occasion occurring on the same day, the Boston Marathon. "Marathon Monday" brings over half a million students, families and fans to the race course to cheer on more than 20k runners. It's quite a spectacle and the pride of Boston.
Shannon and I are in the midst of our own marathon. Unlike the foot race, our pursuit has no clear finish line. In fact, we're not even sure where it is or what we'll find when we get there. All we do know is that the distance to cover is far, requiring patience and perserverance and a small dose of fatalism to accept that what will be, will be.
It's been some time since we've written. Frankly, we're tired of writing about lousy news just as much as you're probably tired of reading it. In fact, we've been taking pleasure in other surrogacy blogs. By our count, Surrogacy India has welcomed seven births in the past few weeks! If there's better news to be had, we can't think of it. A gigantic, go-get-'em congrats to all!
A couple weeks ago Shannon and I met with our local fertility doctor, Dr. Ian Hardy, to get his opinion about some open questions. Should we work with R again? Regardless of the carrier, should Shannon go through a round of IVF here in the States or should we wait until we've made an attempt with our remaining two embryos? And is there anything we could do to improve our chances the next time around?
First, R. Touchingly, she expressed a desire to work with us again if we'd have her. The termination had been induced medically, resulting in an expected recovery time of around two months. This means the earliest we could perform the transfer would be sometime in June or July (two full months recovery, one month hormonal preparation). Should we work with her again? When all is said and done, Dr. Hardy thought this would be perfectly fine as she had a good history and had become pregnant with one of our own. Why add another variable by introducing an untested carrier? Disconcertingly, we had no idea how to answer a bunch of questions about R's cycle of progesterone as she prepared for the transfer. We didn't think to ask and Drs. Sudhir and Yash never told us. Technically, if the progesterone cycle was screwed up, R's uterus wouldn't have been ready for the transfer and the pregnancy would have failed. Cripes!! Nice to find this out AFTER the entire cycle.
I have to say this has been the most frustrating part of the entire process - the availability of information. We've pretty much had to ask for everything. Little info was forthcoming and what info did exist was late to arrive. (Yes, we were warned about this when speaking to references from each agency about the India option. "That's doing business in India." Might be - but it still sucks.) Now for a "normal", full term pregnancy this would probably come off as a minor annoyance. But when the pregnancy fails, this lack of information creates a vacuum that naturally forces you to question everything, including the quality of care. Was this miscarriage a mere act of God or a preventable mistake? Shannon and I intellectually know the IVF clinic, lab and hospitals used by Surrogacy India are top notch. (Not only did our local fertility doctor confirm this information but other reputable agencies also use the same facilities.) And we know there have been many successes. But hey, ours wasn't a success and, well, that's the one we care about most.
Anyway, we'll be much more vigilant about monitoring R's progress as she's prepared for the next attempt - beginning with a carefully worded correspondence with Drs. Sudhir and Yash. The next question was about when Shannon should put herself through another round of IVF. Dr. Hardy strenuously recommended we wait until the next attempt with R is seen through. Why go through the rigors of IVF when we've got two very good quality embryos waiting for a chance? Our doctor here has stressed more than once that he sees his job as helping patients to bring a single (one) baby into this world, and this recommendation fits that world view. Works for us. We were also going to ask if he'd provide a full cycle of IVF for free so Shannon wouldn't have to go through it all again in Mumbai.... Ok, kidding about the free part but the chance that Shannon can do this cycle again overseas is slim to none, nor do I want to see my wife go through that experience again.
A part of us was desperate to start a second round right away. We don't even know if both embryos will be thawed successfully, raising the exciting proposition that we have something to be nervous about before being nervous about the pregnancy itself. Positive thoughts and vigilance - that's all we can do to make sure this next attempt goes well. It's comforting to have our local doctor's professional endorsement for the current plan so we'll stick to it. I'm thinking of filling up on pasta to carbo load before the next go-round. That's what you do for marathons, right?
Shannon and I are in the midst of our own marathon. Unlike the foot race, our pursuit has no clear finish line. In fact, we're not even sure where it is or what we'll find when we get there. All we do know is that the distance to cover is far, requiring patience and perserverance and a small dose of fatalism to accept that what will be, will be.
It's been some time since we've written. Frankly, we're tired of writing about lousy news just as much as you're probably tired of reading it. In fact, we've been taking pleasure in other surrogacy blogs. By our count, Surrogacy India has welcomed seven births in the past few weeks! If there's better news to be had, we can't think of it. A gigantic, go-get-'em congrats to all!
A couple weeks ago Shannon and I met with our local fertility doctor, Dr. Ian Hardy, to get his opinion about some open questions. Should we work with R again? Regardless of the carrier, should Shannon go through a round of IVF here in the States or should we wait until we've made an attempt with our remaining two embryos? And is there anything we could do to improve our chances the next time around?
First, R. Touchingly, she expressed a desire to work with us again if we'd have her. The termination had been induced medically, resulting in an expected recovery time of around two months. This means the earliest we could perform the transfer would be sometime in June or July (two full months recovery, one month hormonal preparation). Should we work with her again? When all is said and done, Dr. Hardy thought this would be perfectly fine as she had a good history and had become pregnant with one of our own. Why add another variable by introducing an untested carrier? Disconcertingly, we had no idea how to answer a bunch of questions about R's cycle of progesterone as she prepared for the transfer. We didn't think to ask and Drs. Sudhir and Yash never told us. Technically, if the progesterone cycle was screwed up, R's uterus wouldn't have been ready for the transfer and the pregnancy would have failed. Cripes!! Nice to find this out AFTER the entire cycle.
I have to say this has been the most frustrating part of the entire process - the availability of information. We've pretty much had to ask for everything. Little info was forthcoming and what info did exist was late to arrive. (Yes, we were warned about this when speaking to references from each agency about the India option. "That's doing business in India." Might be - but it still sucks.) Now for a "normal", full term pregnancy this would probably come off as a minor annoyance. But when the pregnancy fails, this lack of information creates a vacuum that naturally forces you to question everything, including the quality of care. Was this miscarriage a mere act of God or a preventable mistake? Shannon and I intellectually know the IVF clinic, lab and hospitals used by Surrogacy India are top notch. (Not only did our local fertility doctor confirm this information but other reputable agencies also use the same facilities.) And we know there have been many successes. But hey, ours wasn't a success and, well, that's the one we care about most.
Anyway, we'll be much more vigilant about monitoring R's progress as she's prepared for the next attempt - beginning with a carefully worded correspondence with Drs. Sudhir and Yash. The next question was about when Shannon should put herself through another round of IVF. Dr. Hardy strenuously recommended we wait until the next attempt with R is seen through. Why go through the rigors of IVF when we've got two very good quality embryos waiting for a chance? Our doctor here has stressed more than once that he sees his job as helping patients to bring a single (one) baby into this world, and this recommendation fits that world view. Works for us. We were also going to ask if he'd provide a full cycle of IVF for free so Shannon wouldn't have to go through it all again in Mumbai.... Ok, kidding about the free part but the chance that Shannon can do this cycle again overseas is slim to none, nor do I want to see my wife go through that experience again.
A part of us was desperate to start a second round right away. We don't even know if both embryos will be thawed successfully, raising the exciting proposition that we have something to be nervous about before being nervous about the pregnancy itself. Positive thoughts and vigilance - that's all we can do to make sure this next attempt goes well. It's comforting to have our local doctor's professional endorsement for the current plan so we'll stick to it. I'm thinking of filling up on pasta to carbo load before the next go-round. That's what you do for marathons, right?
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Party For One
I have the party dress. I definitely have the gorgeous heels. I have the sparkly bracelets I bought in India that match my party dress and I have the perfect clutch bag to coordinate. (Of course, this IS me writing.) Sadly, I also have a thick box of tissues. All of this for the pity party I'm having and although I don't have them very often, I am entitled. (Geoff can crash but only after I have a few dances alone.)
We've come to terms with our recent miscarriage and we are doing better. We understand that when anyone miscarriages it's because there is something wrong with the pregnancy and, as difficult and heartbreaking as it is, it's for the best. For us, it is a bump on an already difficult and very rough road. However, we will get through all of this and we are still very hopeful we will have a family some day.
In the meantime, the emotional roller coaster continues. I'm not sure how it's fair that some are graced with three, four, five children when others are desperately trying for just one. I don't begrudge anyone for it, I just don't see how it's fair, especially when fertility issues come into play. As if infertility is not bad enough, some have to go through the process over and over again. Heck, some can't even afford adoption, surrogacy, IVF... and live life without children. It makes me wonder, who the hell is calling the shots here!? Many incredible people we know haven't had the luxury of getting pregnant on their own and have had to repeatedly go through multiple fertility processes. It's depressing, frustrating and not right. I am consistently surprised at how more and more common infertility is and to good people! It's simply not fair.
With regard to next steps, our surrogate has graciously agreed to try again with us, which is fabulous news as she's already proven she can get pregnant. That's one less thing to worry about so we won't be blindly entering the process again. R will need approximately two months to recover and then a third month to prepare for our next transfer. During that time, we are considering going through a round of IVF here in the States with the intention of freezing more embryos; time is not on our side as I get older and my egg production decreases. We have an appointment with our local fertility doctor this coming Friday to discuss all that has happened thus far and this potential next cycle. The journey continues.....
Life does go on and we want to wish everyone a happy Passover and Easter!
We've come to terms with our recent miscarriage and we are doing better. We understand that when anyone miscarriages it's because there is something wrong with the pregnancy and, as difficult and heartbreaking as it is, it's for the best. For us, it is a bump on an already difficult and very rough road. However, we will get through all of this and we are still very hopeful we will have a family some day.
In the meantime, the emotional roller coaster continues. I'm not sure how it's fair that some are graced with three, four, five children when others are desperately trying for just one. I don't begrudge anyone for it, I just don't see how it's fair, especially when fertility issues come into play. As if infertility is not bad enough, some have to go through the process over and over again. Heck, some can't even afford adoption, surrogacy, IVF... and live life without children. It makes me wonder, who the hell is calling the shots here!? Many incredible people we know haven't had the luxury of getting pregnant on their own and have had to repeatedly go through multiple fertility processes. It's depressing, frustrating and not right. I am consistently surprised at how more and more common infertility is and to good people! It's simply not fair.
With regard to next steps, our surrogate has graciously agreed to try again with us, which is fabulous news as she's already proven she can get pregnant. That's one less thing to worry about so we won't be blindly entering the process again. R will need approximately two months to recover and then a third month to prepare for our next transfer. During that time, we are considering going through a round of IVF here in the States with the intention of freezing more embryos; time is not on our side as I get older and my egg production decreases. We have an appointment with our local fertility doctor this coming Friday to discuss all that has happened thus far and this potential next cycle. The journey continues.....
Life does go on and we want to wish everyone a happy Passover and Easter!
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